so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
