look no pants
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
