And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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