I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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