You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
