Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
