Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
