she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
