I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I intend to get homeless drunk
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
