i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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