Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
