so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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