He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
