I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
