i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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