Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
