every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
