Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize