Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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