Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
