is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
