My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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