My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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