I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
