did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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