She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
