So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
