i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
