Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
