Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
