too bad you live with your parents still
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
