so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
