she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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