I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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