Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize