just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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