did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
