Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
