you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
