Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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