Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
