Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
