i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
