dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
