I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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