I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
