Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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