So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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