plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
