lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
