he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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