oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
