two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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