Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
