yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
