Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
