I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize