Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
