Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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