if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
