that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
