just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize