I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
