I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize