Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
