he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
