Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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