dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
