alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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