went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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